Her Dreams Not Mine

Parenting is tough. It's full of choices that affect the most precious people in our lives. I learned a big lesson with my daughter recently. Maybe you can learn from my mistake!

When I found out I was having a girl 8 years ago I was so excited. I'm a girly girl and I started shopping for all things pink. I pictured her in my mind as this little version of a much better me. The girl I always wished I was. She's turned out so much better.

Still, I have found myself pushing her into things that were my dreams for her, not her own. I enrolled her in dance when she was 3 years old because I always wanted to be a dancer, and I have two left feet. She danced one season and then just refused to go, so I gave her a year off thinking maybe she was too young and then I pushed her back into it.

After 3 years of me telling her "we don't quit" and making her take ballet, tap, and jazz she came to me with big tears in her eyes and said "Mom, I hate dance." She didn't want to disappoint me, but it was my dream, not hers.

Bottom line, she's not a girly girl. She wants to play soccer, has burping contests with her brother, and asks me all the time why I wear make-up.

Speaking of make-up, putting it on is her least favorite thing about dance. As I got her ready for her final recital we battled over the make-up. She hates the way it feels, says it hurts, and thinks it looks silly.  I should have sat back in that moment and been grateful that she is so confident in who she is and how she looks. She doesn't want to cover anything up and I hope she always has that attitude.

After the recital we battled again over taking the make-up off and it ended with doors slamming and me saying a few words I regret.

This morning I woke up to this note under my door. In a nutshell it says

Dear Mom, 

So sorry for being mean. I got the make-up off though. I think I'm a little like you with getting mad. I'm sorry, I'll try to be so nice tomorrow. -Jocelyn

I love this little girl so much. She has taught me that she may not be the girl I planned for her to be, but she is so much better than I ever imagined.

I hope she achieves her dreams, not mine, and I'll be cheering her on along the way.