I've never taken a life before.  Never until today.  I'm trying to keep it together for my family but I'm dying.  Kallie WAS family.  My 14-year-old son doesn't know life without her.  She was the one thing that my grandkids always loved to see.  They couldn't get enough of her.  And in a weird way... Kallie was the glue that kept things together in our household when things got crazy, rough, bad... it didn't matter.  She didn't care.  She just loved, loved, and loved.

Credit: Rick and Carly / Townsquare Media
Credit: Rick and Carly / Townsquare Media

Kallie was almost 14-years-old and her health has declined so much over the past couple of years.  She was having multiple seizures daily, could hardly walk sometimes, would stop eating and drinking, and FUN was just gone.  She just laid there, breathing heavily, hurting and I guess you could say she was just existing.

I secretly was hoping she'd just pass away on her own.  I hoped that I 'd wake up one morning and she'd just be gone but it never happened.  Kallie kept fighting.  I don't know why and I can't make sense of it but we just couldn't stand to see her in so much pain.  It killed all of us.

So we made the decision.  And I feel so guilty.  I mean who am I to make that kind of decision.  After it was done I just can't help but wonder what if she could've worked through all this and been back to her old self.  What if it was too early.  What if it wasn't her time.  It's so absolutely devasting.  Throwing away her doggy bowl, and her food, and her toys, and everything that reminds me of her.  I did that immediately because this was so hard on my family and I didn't want them to see those constant reminders.

I know so many of you can relate to how these beautiful creatures are not just pets.  They're not just dogs.  They literally are family.  My house is not the same without our little girl.  It seems so empty.  So different.  None of us talk about that but its there and we all feel it.

I know I should be celebrating her life.  How wonderful she was and all the great memories we had but right now I just can't.  It breaks my heart.  And it breaks my heart to see my family.

I've never lost anyone close to me.  I mean other than my Aunt Gail who I loved but we just weren't as close I would've liked.  All my grandparents died before I was born or when I was very young so this is all so new to me.  And yes, you may think I'm crazy comparing a dog to family members that have passed away but I don't care.  That's how I feel.  And I don't apologize for it.

In the past, I've seen so many lose their precious pets and I felt bad but never really knew what they were going through.  I now know.

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