The Office Refrigerator Opus

It smells, it's dirty, and no one is doing anything about it.

It's high time to stop the charades and lay down some ground rules.

There really isn't one concrete answer to the immortal question "Why is the fridge at work so disgusting?" Today, I walked into our tiny kitchen in the office, and it smelled like someone gutted a family of rabid coyotes. Upon opening the refrigerator door, the odor was even more pungent. Did I take the time to sift through everyone's food and find out the source of the stench? Hell no I didn't. Not worth it.

After I puked in my mouth a little, I decided this is it. Something needs to be done. We need some universal rules when it comes to do's and do-not's with the shared refrigerator in your office. Here's what I came up with:

• No open containers. Ever. Even if it smells delicious, it won't for long.
• Saran wrap is not a lid. It should not be expected to work as such.
• No fish.
• If it's been in the fridge more than five business days, it goes in the trash.
• If you spill something, clean it up. Failure to do so will result in termination.
• Seriously, no fish.
• Beer is always OK in the company fridge.
• Ice cream in the freezer is always free game. No exceptions.
• No. F***ing. Fish.

Phew. There. We can all be civil and abide by those rules, right? Don't be that one guy in the office (probably named Craig) who brings in fish and acts like "Meh, suck it up. It's not a big deal." It is a big deal, Craig. This is why nobody likes you.