Dolly Parton’s Hilarious Quarantine Poem Says What We’re All Thinking [Watch]
Dolly Parton is adding poetry to the list of her artistic endeavors. The country superstar turned to social media on Thursday (April 9) to recite a new poem that she has written about being quarantined during the coronavirus (COVID-19) pandemic, and it will ring true for anyone whose spouse and children might be getting on their nerves.
Parton begins the clip with mock exasperation, shouting to someone offscreen to her right, "Can you hold it down in there? I'm trying to do a video in the studio." She then addresses somebody out of frame to her left, "What? My accountant's calling? Well, tell him to kiss my assets goodbye because they're dwindling to nothing ... no, you can't put a mask on a turtle," she adds before talking to the camera, saying, "Lord, does this sound like your house? Well, I wrote a poem about it."
The 74-year-old entertainment icon goes on to recite a wryly humorous poem about being stuck in close quarters for too long:
This too shall pass, as all things will / If the virus don't kill us, the staying home will / The kids are bored and restless/ They scream and yell and squawk / And the teens and tweens, they're just plain mean / They bite your bleeping head off/ And all those loving couples that were once so sweet and cozy / Now they fight like cats and dogs, like Donald and Pelosi / Lord, get us back to school and get us back to work / And get us out of this dadblame house before someone gets hurt / And Lord, please find a vaccination in the form of a shot or a pill / Because if the virus don't kill us, the staying home will.
Parton recites the poem dressed all in black, seated in front of what looks to be the same curtain that served as the backdrop to her musical tribute to Kenny Rogers on Wednesday night's (April 8) CMT Giants Kenny Rogers: A Benefit for MusiCares special, during which she sang "Sweet Music Man" to honor her longtime friend and collaborator.
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Parton has been doing her part to keep people's spirits lifted during the pandemic, doing everything from reading bedtime stories online to making a million-dollar contribution toward finding a cure for the virus. Her quarantine with her husband of more than 50 years, Carl Dean, marks one of the longest periods of time the independent-minded couple have ever spent together, and Parton joked in a recent interview with the Today show that the marriage might be in jeopardy now.
"The reason it worked for me is because I've stayed gone. I can't get away now," she pointed out. "I'm stuck there now. I might find out who he is. We may not make it until the next anniversary."
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