You don't even want to know the first words out of my mouth when I got the call.  


How do you go from this...


To this...


To THIS...


I was shocked.  Guess I shouldn't have been, but I just never really could see myself as a grandpa.  Hell, I don't even know what I'm doing as a dad.  I'm still trying to figure that one out.  I want to be the best grandpa ever, but I want to be the best dad ever too and I still have kids at home.  How am I supposed to do all this?


I started my family at 20 and it was the hardest thing ever.  We suffered, I suffered, they suffered... a lot... because I had no idea what I was going to do in life, I had no education, no trade, no passion for anything except life.  I get it, I get it.  Love conquers all.  Guess what?  Love doesn't pay the bills.  Love doesn't put a roof over your head.  Love doesn't give you experience.  I can only hope these two are more prepared than I was.  I know they are!


Thinking back, I remember a family of 7 in a 1 bedroom, run down apartment with no heat and no air conditioning.  An apartment where the ceiling is too low and if you're 6 foot or taller you have to duck to walk around.  Only cold water came out of the shower.  Mattresses spread all over the floor for all of us to sleep on.  Entertainment was everyone sitting around the space heater for warmth in the middle of winter.  Watching your kids embarrassment and of course, no way, anyone was invited over.


Yeah, that was me.  I would stay at work as long as I could every day just so I didn't have to go back to that place.  Now, in the long run, it made me a stronger person.  A better person.  But I don't want her going through that.  I don't want any of my children going through that.


Cutting through all the crap there's something beautiful.  A miracle.  Happiness you've never felt before.  You never knew could exist.  Yes, people would tell you.  You'd try to understand.  But going through it is the only way you could even come close to understanding.  True love and happiness comes through others.  It really does.  When you have that little one you'd do anything for.  You'd literally die for without hesitation.  That's life.  That's what I have for my kids.  That's what I want my kids to have.


My love for these two is indescribable.  Everything I have... Everything I am... Everything is theirs.  I live for you ChellyBug.  As you start your new family, know that I'm always here.  No matter what the future throws at you... I'm here, by your side, always!  I love you!!